Two weeks ago my world turned upside down…
We had been home with our newborn daughter two days when she stopped eating well and started breathing really hard. After a couple of phone calls to the doctor on call, we headed to the emergency room.
That’s when it went from 0 to 60…
At first, we didn’t know what the cause was. We soon learned it was her heart. As the night progressed every update seemed to be worse and worse. Our sweet little baby had a broken heart.
And it was really bad. Her body was shutting down. Her kidneys, intestines, and liver were in shock.
Five days later she went to the operating room to have her tiny little heart operated on. It was a complicated surgery. The magnitude of how bad her heart was hit us when the surgeon met us after the surgery and the first words he said to us was, “she had a really sick heart.”
All I could do in that moment was thank God we were here. Thank God we were in Texas so close to an amazing hospital. Thank God my parents were out here to help with the kiddos. Thank God for this surgeon who was skilled enough to operate on a heart the size of a strawberry.
As I sit here now, staring at my precious baby, nine days post surgery, it’s amazing to see how well she is doing. We are in a much better place than we were just a little over a week ago.
These past two weeks have been so difficult AND so beautiful.
My mama’s heart hurts because my hugs and kisses can’t make her better. My heart hurts because I have three other kiddos at home who miss me. My heart hurts because I don’t understand why this happened. My heart hurts because I feel helpless.
But I have seen so much of God’s hand throughout this whole situation. God protected my baby and is still protecting her.
Because of my sweet baby so many people came together to pray in unity over her healing. So many have rallied beside us and we have seen how much family we truly have.
I understand so deeply the peace that God gives. I have a deeper understanding of God being close to the broken-hearted.
During these past two weeks there has been an overwhelming peace washing over me. I have no doubt that God perfectly knit this little baby together. He has BIG plans for her.
I feel as though I am wrapped in a big, warm hug, shielding me from the arrows of the enemy. I know my refuge and strength is in the Lord. He is guarding my heart and mind and holding me together.
I didn’t choose this, I didn’t want this.
But I choose joy. I choose to rejoice in all my circumstances. I choose hope. I choose to believe that God has big plans for my sweet baby. I choose to believe God will use this for good.