I never thought motherhood would be lonely.
But I am finding there are times when I find myself never alone, but lonely.
I spend all day with little humans demanding my attention, stealing kisses and hugs, giving laughs and love. I am surrounded by these little whom I love so much, but still craving something more.
As moms, we long for deep connections. We were made to connect with others. We were not meant to do life alone. In the stage of parenting little ones, motherhood can become a bubble that we build around ourselves, typically unintentionally. We are limited by the times we can go out, where, when, and who we can go out with.
Not only are we limited in our outings, but motherhood is exhausting, physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. With so many aspects of our lives demanding so much of us it’s important we fight against the loneliness of motherhood.
I am learning the things I can do to combat the feeling of loneliness. I have not mastered this at all, I am in the midst of it. But what I do know is I am not alone, we are not alone. It’s encouraging to know there are other moms who have been here before and survived and moms who are going through this season at the same time.
Here are some things to consider in the fight against the loneliness of motherhood:
1. Spend time with Jesus!
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Our strength should come from the Lord. In our weakness He is stronger. If we are not taking care of ourselves first not only do we suffer, but our children suffer as well. It’s important we give every day to Jesus, sometimes we need to give Him each moment.
Deuteronomy 6 tells us that we, as parents, need to teach our children about the Lord and how to walk with him. They will never understand what that means if we are not first doing it ourselves. It’s an intentional time that we must carve out of our day to spend at the feet of Jesus. You can do it in the morning, during nap time, after you put the kids to sleep, whatever the time, it’s just important you spend time with Jesus and in His Word.
2. You and your husband are in this together.
The fight is not against each other. You are both parents to your children and on the same team. It’s important to stand together.
“And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him-a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12
Your husband is on your team. God calls us to be untied. When we are able to realize, an act upon, that we are on the same team we can accomplish anything! It’s amazing what we can do when we are moving in the same direction.
3. Cultivate your circle of friends.
Friendship takes work, like all relationships. We are not meant to go through life alone, and that is not limited to a spouse. Our friends are those who will encourage us and sharpens us.
“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24
It’s ok if you have a large circle of friends and it’s ok if you have a small circle of friends. However great or small, remember you have a circle of friends. Work at cultivating those relationships. You may not see each other everyday like you did before kids, but that doesn’t mean the friendship is gone.
Reach out. Remember, we all need someone. And remember how you feel today, one day you may just be that friend that helps another who feels lonely.
4. Do not give up!
“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test of time he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12
It’s so important to never give up. When we are stuck in the mommy bubble it’s easy to stay in the vicious cycle of day in and day out. Make the choice to break through the walls of the mommy bubble and reach out to someone.
It takes vulnerability. It takes courage. It takes strength. It takes willingness. It takes more than we have on our own. Thankfully, we have the Holy Spirit who is able to strengthen us. Lean on that and draw from the Lord’s strength.
Cherish every moment with your littles. This season won’t last forever. When you make it through, remember how you felt and reach out to another mama who may need a comforting hand.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4